On the move with Megan Koester

Shortly after hearing Megan Koester tell jokes on Cameron Esposito’s wonderful podcast “Put Your Hands Together,” I did what any self-respecting interviewer of stand-up comedians would do.

I entered her name in a search engine called Google (Google it!) and found not only really funny clips of Koester (pronounced Kee-ster) doing stand-up but also some links to columns and other things she has written for Vice.

The discovery and subsequent reading of Koester’s work on Vice’s website further solidified my belief that I should try to interview her. Anybody who is forthright enough to produce pieces titled “OK, so I have a drinking problem” and “I’m trying to be a bisexual, but I’m failing miserably” is someone whose brain I’d like to pick, even though that analogy sounds incredibly painful and gross and probably originated from something truly horrific.

Anyway, after trading several emails, Koester and I chatted for a few minutes on Thursday afternoon to discuss moving, why internet commenters are almost always the worst and why she is never going to see another stand-up comedy show. (Luckily, she is going to keep doing stand-up, and she was only goofing around, you guys. It’s Friday. Koester will probably watch somebody tell jokes tonight.)

Visit Koester’s brilliantly-titled website, follow her entertaining Twitter feed and don’t forget The Best Tweet I Can Find In Five Minutes at the end.

TC: Are you all settled in to your new place?

MK: I am. I’ve successfully moved all the trash from the old place to the new one. I’m glad to be in a new spot because where I used to live was starting to feel like a fucking prison. I’m happy I moved and I’m ready to make some new bad memories in a different place.

TC: Your drinking problem column is one of the most honest things I’ve ever read. Did you have second thoughts about putting that out there for the world to see?

MK: No, not really. I only regretted it when my mother wanted to have a discussion about it, which was the last thing on Earth I wanted to do.

I’m not going to run for public office or anything so I didn’t mind being honest about it. Sometimes people are as interested in reading about the person who wrote something as they are in the subject that person is writing about, so luckily for me and my writing, I’m a dedicated narcissist.

TC: Do you read the comments people post on your vice columns because I went down a small rabbit hole on those the other day and boy oh boy, that’s quite a slice of humanity.

MK: I used to, but I just can’t anymore, you know? It’s just depressing. I don’t want to find out who wants to punch me in the face because they disagree with something I wrote or did.

TC: I work at a newspaper and several years ago when we opened up our stories to comments online, it started conversations, but it also brought out the racists and homophobes.

MK: That’s their playground. Any kind of commenting on the internet is probably going to be awful.

TC: I love the name of your website. Have you ever been contacted by someone hoping to book an inoffensive comedian?

MK: I have actually. A guy called who wanted me to do a function in Orange County, but sadly I had to inform him that I am indeed offensive.

TC: Is there a stand-up you haven’t seen that you would like to see?

MK: You mean those who are alive?

TC: (laughs) Or dead. Whichever.

MK: Hmm, I feel like I’ve seen a lot. I haven’t seen Todd Barry. He’s really funny.

TC: I’ve seen him and he is great.

MK: Umm, who else would I like to see? Why am I drawing a blank here?

TC: Maybe because, as you said, you’ve seen everybody already?

MK: Yeah, maybe I’ve seen everybody I wanted to see.

TC: So, that’s it. No more stand-up comedy shows for you.

MK: Yep, I’m done. I will no longer support live stand-up comedy. I’m just going to perform and not watch anybody else. (interviewer laughs)

Here it is, The Best Tweet I Can Find In Five Minutes: